If Only

I am a little obsessed with a new show on TV this season and this is very unlike me. I have become disinterested in the garbage that is on TV and spend very little time actually watching anything regularly. I  think we mainly have a TV to watch sports. Until I saw the previews for Pan Am. I was definitely curious about seeing what the show was about but, without embarrassment, I proclaim that it is on after my bedtime. Admittedly by 9 p.m. I am spent, finished, done, a goner. It's just the way I am wired, I make no excuses. So I recently realized that with our cable provider I can watch network shows on-demand. I gave this a whirl and watched an episode of Pan Am and I am hooked. Big time hooked. The pathetic kind where I try to arrange my evening plans so I can sit down and watch an episode. I am behind people, I have to get caught up!
Here is why I am so infatuated with this show. My childhood and teen dream was to be a stewardess. Yes, that is what they were called then, not a flight attendant. I had my life planned out. I would be based in Dallas, drive a Datsun 280Z and be independent and fly around the world. It was so glamorous to me. I was going to do it and no one was going to get in my way. Until, and I say this pointing the finger at myself, I listened to important people in my life during a very impressionable time in my life. It was viewed as "not the lifestyle for a proper lady." You know, jetting off, at the beck and call of unscrupulous gentlemen all around the world and was no life if I ever wanted to be a wife and mother. I wish I had more of the attitude that I can take a shot, I might fail or not like it, but at least I will have explored my options. That's something I really wish I had ingrained in me, I really don't like that about myself.
Anyway, back to my new favorite show. I can't get enough of the clothes, high heels, hairstyles, exotic places and the stories. On the ABC website there are stories from real Pam Am stewardess and they paint the picture just as I imagine it would have been like. I was just born a little too late. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and know it is just as God planned, but I think we all have "what ifs". For now I will just watch the show and imagine.